All the fitness He requireth is to feel your need of Him

 


That’s my kind of fitness, or is it really?

Living with depression has been quite a ride. I’m learning new aspects of myself that I don’t like and often find myself asking if it was the depression or me? 

I don’t enjoy the part of myself where I swear when I feel out of control, or just frustrated from feeling tired all the time. I wonder if there are people who suffer far worst than me, and yet wonder the same things. Does their depression hinder them from God? 

It was extremely difficult yet easy to cry out to Him in the seeming hopelessness when depression kicks us right where it hurts, and God sounded awfully silent in those moments. But I never felt like He abandoned me ever. Yet, I don’t know if I’ll ever get the answer as to why He kept silent. Or was my depression stopping me from hearing Him? Impossible, right?

For some, I wonder if it’s the guilt and shame that their illness convinces them off - that they are simply not worthy enough to come to God. I wonder how does the Holy Spirit speak through times of depression? 

It’s not easy to discern what is true when your mind is clouded. But God’s Word helps me do that. I know I should be doing it more often, but sometimes I just need to take a bite and digest on it for awhile because that’s as much as I can take. 

I didn’t go to church today and decided to spend uninterrupted time with God. I know that communal worship is an integral part of being Christian, not so much the act of going to church, but to be with people while you took time out of your week to well.. commune with God. I used to feel guilty about this a lot but someone wise once told me that it was okay to take a break from people and that we have to hold ourselves accountable to taking the time to rest in God on those occasions. 

My husband sort of gets it. 

Sometimes we get so busy doing church that we forget who it’s about at the end of today. I was reminded that even our salvation was to display God’s righteousness, not my own. What that means in simple terms is that we are forgiven and saved so that people will see how right, loving, just, holy and true our God is. Romans 3: 21-26

It’s not about us. 

It’s easy to say it now, and so I will. Being Christian helps me to be grateful amidst the illnesses we face - because God always works for the good of those who love Him - meaning - He brings purpose to the misery. It’s wonderful to know that I’m not suffering for nothing. 

In fact, I also believe to an extent that illness is purposed to bring us back to God because He knows that is the place we feel the safest and most secure, even when the whole world abandons us in ur time of need. Thank you for sharing that with us, Nightbirde. 

Come Ye sinner, 

All the fitness He requireth is to feel your need of Him. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rest for Anxious Hearts

Image
I've been learning why God instituted rest as part of our lives.It is true - our bodies are finite and if we keep believing delusion that we are not, we become less efficient down the line, even for His kingdom.  It's so easy to get caught up in life - clinical placements, uni, catch ups, conferences, workshops, church, sports, work, planning our future. We're constantly filling our schedules with things to do or even filling the silence in our cars or minds with social media, music or podcasts. Our minds are constantly switched on. If you have your eyes off your phone at any given time, have a look at the people around you in the train or at the dinner table. What are they doing? At the end of the day, we'll all fall into the same pit - tired, anxious, burnt out or sick.  Hopefully you look better than this. I'm not saying all that we're doing is wrong.  What I'm proposing is that they bring no further value to us if we choose to not r...
Read more

Meeting myself where I'm at

Image
Sg. Palas plantation in Cameron Highlands, 2017 Once upon a time, someone had told me about a vision they saw of me, lying in the grass on top a hill staring up to the sky, and looking at the valley beneath, knowing that God was everywhere. If only that'd be the case all the time! The spiritual journey is sometimes described as 'hills and valleys' (and yes, I love that song!). More often than not, my valley experiences outlast my view at the top. When I hit rock bottom, my first though would always be,  "Sigh. Time to start it all over again." But a saying like that made things worse for me. I'd feel more discouraged than inspired to keep pushing. It's likened to playing Snakes & Ladders and constantly coming down the ladders no matter how far you run in your journey.  So I stopped.  Instead, I started to pray that God will meet me where I'm at no matter which ditch or ledge I'm hanging on to and to continue up from there. I didn't want to ...
Read more